Thursday, July 2, 2009

Vicious and Dangerous

"I have spoken with citizens who have had multiple problems with pit bulls. They've gone after people, dogs and even cats. They're an aggressive dog. Because of their strong bite, they can latch onto you or another animal and cause tissue damage."
-- Sioux City Councilman Aaron Rochester*

HT to Terrierman for this news story.

The city councilman who led the drive to ban pit bulls in Sioux City is waiting to find out whether his Labrador retriever will be euthanized for biting a neighbor.

Councilman Aaron Rochester said Tuesday he has appealed Sioux City Animal Control's determination that his family's yellow lab is vicious after Saturday's incident, which resulted in an emergency room visit and five stitches for the injured neighbor.


At 4:45 p.m. Saturday, a man and woman who live in the neighborhood walked by the Rochesters' home in the 1300 block of 46th St. The lab was sitting on the front porch. As the couple walked by on the sidewalk, the dog ran off the porch and jumped the man, Groetken said.

The neighbor suffered a scratch to his right leg as he tried to push the dog away, some marks on his chest and bites to his thumb that required five stitches at a hospital emergency room

Yep, that's right. The man responsible for the homelessness and deaths of how many children's pets -- dogs that never bit anyone -- has been willfully harboring a vicious and dangerous dog.

"He is a great watchdog. My speculation is, he was watching our children and may have thought they were in danger."

Yes, Councilman, that is your feckin' speculation. Since you weren't home while you were casually breaking the leash law that is meant to keep us all absolutely safe all the time, it's quite reasonable to replace facts with this speculation --

That your loose, unsupervised, vicious dog has paranoid fantasies about innocuous neighbors out for a walk.

Since your own paranoid fantasies make it A-OK to kill other people's pets based on what you confabulate as their "breed," I guess it makes sense that your dog's paranoid fantasies make it just fine to go bite the passer-by who looks like he's got a panel van full of candy and a clown costume back home.

And, on a totally unrelated note, why is it that smug douchebags always own crazed untrained yellow Labradors named Jake?

Is it because they believe that such animals are idiot-proof? While this notion would reflect some unexpected self-awareness, it too is a fantasy. As Mr. Rochester has proven, idiots are far too ingenious.

Sorry Jake, you have to die because your owner is a jackass. And because you actually bit someone for absolutely no reason.

Unlike the other smooth-coated, square-headed dogs your owner has killed.

* Whose only other newsworthy career achievement seems to be voting to ban unapproved porch furniture that didn't come from Pottery Barn. 'Cuz that's just trashy.


  1. That Karma...she can be such a b!tch sometimes!

  2. All the former pit bull owners should show up at a council meeting and demand that Labrador Retrievers be banned. After all, we know how vicious they are, sitting on porches and plotting to viciously maul the neighbors. Labradors are retrievers, they are bred to retrieve body parts like thumbs. Not any more stupid than his ideas about "pit bulls".

    Paula from Indiana

  3. Jake deserved better -- and as I said this morning, picking a head-splittlingly unoriginal name for a yellow lab is, unfortunately, a window into how little thought you've put into the whole dog thing.

  4. I know for one I have always defined "good watchdog" as "large dog who bites people who are absolutely no threat".

    What a heap of stupid.

    Poor Jake. He deserved better than the cards he was dealt.

    And so did all those dead pit bulls.

  5. They 'even' go after cats?! Like that was some kind of shocking level of viciousness?

    I always figured chasing cats was considered pretty normal for dogs. =P


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