Friday, July 10, 2009

Lethal THIS

The dog in this picture rated maximally dangerous -- "Lethal" -- on the doltish scale devised by a self-proclaimed "expert" on aggressive dogs.

Yes, there is a dog in this picture. Keep looking.

The only thing that ever made her happier than the way those kids are treating her like a rockstar (which she totally deserved) was when she actually got to go out and for real save one.

Please check out this post over at YesBiscuit!

And the comments, oh the comments.

The clinically delusional hawker of a product that she claims will identify "dangerous" dogs without them ever having done anything to harm anyone, and also prescribe the punishment to be inflicted upon the dog and owner by the gummint has decided to take Shirley's bullshit call-out as an cue to run an infomercial in serial installments.

Oh Billy Mays, are you already spinning (loudly) in your freshly-dug grave? Is this what screaming hucksterism has sunk to already? Contriving the concept of Thoughtcrime for Dogs and then devising the punishment?

Keep in mind that this is the -- I could not make this shit up -- same lackwit featured in this instructive National Geographic video

Yep, that's right. Some dozy bint deliberately breeds enormous hairy mastiffs to be as vicious as possible, brags about how nasty the puppies are, has their infant gonads cut off (gotta protect the cash flow) and then sells them for major simoleons to patsies like the inept sucker featured being dragged into traffic by a man-eating dog that is larger than he is and completely immune to whatever "training" he's attempted -- that selfsame dozy bint is now trying to scare timid municipalities into pooping their pants over a whole lot of hitherto unimagined Al Quaeda dogs that are stealthily hiding out in back yards, just waiting for their chance to suicide bomb Miss Babcock's preschool class, one delicious toddler arm at a time. And then buy her "system" and institute a regimen of pre-emptive "animal control" so intrusive that Winston Smith would've told them to fuck off and mind their own damned business.

And the HSUS, among others, is apparently on board with this shyster. Not since the DKL Lifeguard fiasco have I gotten to see a con artist flying right out in the open, pinging, pinging, pinging the radar, with the distinct shape of Rodan flying straight at Tokyo, while the people who are paid to know better keep saying, aw, it's just a flock of ducks.

Hop on over to Shirley's blog and join the conversation.

And check out SmartDogs' far superior rating system for dog owners. I believe she pulled it out of some orifice in a few spare minutes today. It is full of win!

See, Ms. Follett is posting her infomercials -- with complete ad copy in every signature line -- because she wants to get GOOGLE HITS on her product keywords in places other than her own advertising site.

I think we should make sure that when some enquiring mind follows those googles, he or she gets to see how disreputable, ridiculous, and insidious Follett and her crackpot "product" really are.

And fair warning. Comments on this blog are currently unmoderated. Anyone trying to use it to advertise or self-aggrandize will be summarily deleted and then roundly mocked.


  1. I think I'm going to take a course in expert-ness so I can get me a certificate. Then I'll be back to give you what-for. With a link to my product, natch.

  2. Dear Ms. Biscuit:

    It just so happens that I offer courses in expert-ness. Simply wire me $2,000 via Western Onion and I will send you a package of supplies (including a nifty, computer-printed certificate signed by - me) that officially certifies you as an expert in the area (or areas - just add $500 US for each additional area) of your choice.

    I also produce promotional videos. For a "nominal" fee I will film a svelte, gorgeous young woman (or man, if you like) claiming to be you and demonstrating expertness in your chosen area(s).

    Void where prohibited, must be 18 or older to participate. Purchase at your own risk. This is not an offer to sell securities. This is not an attorney advertisement or referal service. No user-serviceable parts inside. May be too intense for some users. See other side for additional listings. This product is meant for entertainment purposes only. For external use only. If condition persists, consult your therapist.

  3. But Ms Biscuit, don't pay $2000! For the low, low, price of $100 or 4 boxes of impossible-to-find-out-of-season Thin Mints, I will certify you as an expert in certifying experts!

    (my mother is holding my last four boxes of GSCs hostage until I go to the dentist. They're in her freezer. Am contemplating breaking into the house to get them back, but not sure it's worth setting off the alarm and having to explain to police summoned by alarm company about cookies.)


    But onlee if NYCKitten playes me.

    In her bicki ... bukee ... uh BATHIN SOOT.

    I wunts to be eckspurt in reskyooing da CHIKKINS frum SAD fayte uv loanlie.

    NYCKitten shoes how happee dey all be at freezer camp buncked wit all dere frends.

    Then NOM NOM NOM.

    I pay yoo wit brown dawg. Yoo saye yoo reskyoo dawg frum eeebil BREADER. Naow you reskyooer two!

    Yoo pay NYCKitten wit chikkin NOM, den her brane gits pro-teen, can wurck agen. Or fur first tyme.

  5. Cait, there's not a cop in the continent who would require more than a four-word explanation.

    "Thin. Mints. In. There."

    But there's also none who won't demand graft at that point, and you have only four boxes left.

    Bring donuts; you can throw them to the side as a distraction.

  6. I have seen that video on the Caucasian Ovtcharka (which some people incorrectly call Caucasian mountain dog). I think I wrote something about it-- it was believed by some fools in the early days of the golden retriever to the ancestral dog from whence the golden retriever descended. One of these fools claimed to have gone to the Caucasus in search of new blood. But he never found any dogs. And it's a good thing, too. Can you imagine training one as a retriever.

    She's a very good example of what is wrong with a lot of dog breeders. Breed 'em meaner than a wolverine and sell them to people who don't know anything about them. The same thing exists in Filas Brasileiros, where the temperament of ojeriza (roughly translated-- it means "severe dislike of strangers.") is bred for, regardless of whether such a temperament is practical in a country like the US.

    This breed should be owned by livestock guardian people. It's not a normal dog for a pet.

    There is a reason why the border guard in East Germany kept them along the Berlin Wall. And it's not because they are like golden retrievers.

  7. I'm sorry, but getting lectures about dog aggression from someone who breeds for this sort of temperament is a bit hard to take.

  8. Thanks for the tip on reading the comments on YesBiscuit - i had totally overlooked them and they were def worth the read.

  9. [stands up and applauds Heather]

    [oh, whistles using fingers too, while screaming "Encore, encore!!"]

  10. Retreiverman, very well said. I honestly couldn't even finish the video. I saw the dogs leaping at the fence and the *DING* "LAWSUIT!" *DING* "LAWSUIT" light in my head just never really shut off. That dolt being pulled into traffic is just on the waiting list for his special delivery. It's one thing when idiots train dogs to be mean, but still have some way of controlling them; it's another thing when the dog needs 'no training' for aggression (I might rant about that on my blog since there I personally feel there is NO SUCH THING) and is sent to live with someone who just gives up on basic obedience because the dog is too strong.

    That whole thing just really upsets me as someone interested in training and behavior. I RARELY (if ever) never finish a video...that says it all!

  11. Thanx for this blog post, and thanx for standing up for reputable breeders.

  12. "I'm sorry, but getting lectures about dog aggression from someone who breeds for this sort of temperament is a bit hard to take."

    Perfect. Exactly.

    So, when is the conference on Expert-ness certification?

  13. I can't imagine anyone who is the 'right' person to own a 180 pound dog with a serious inbred hate for people. That guy in the video is an accident waiting to happen. Either the dog's going to seriously injure or kill someone or hopefully get itself pancaked by a truck first. People shouldn't be allowed to breed and sell dogs like this. It's like a fully auto AK but with a mind of its own and no safety.


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