Tonight I revisited the classified section of the Holmes Bargain Hunter. Because some of us masochists can't be satisfied by a mere cat-o-nine-tails or a nifty thumbscrew.
No "Guardian Angel Rescue" in this edition, or "AA1 Rescue." But there is an ad "Looking for litters of puppies, all breeds, all sizes to place in loving homes. Call us at: (330) 465-6040."
That seemed ... provocative. So I googled it and got this:
Of course it is "Heaven to Earth" rescue.*
Further down the page, there is the obligatory Give Us Money Button, and the only place on the site that provides human names. (The "About us" page includes only directions to the "rescue" location; the FAQ page ... I'll get to it.) There's also the name of a young girl who raised money for the homeless rescue puppies as her bat mitzvah project. I cropped that name off.
Remember those, because it becomes important.
Paul "Joseph" Feldman. Or Paul Feldman. Or Joseph Feldman.
Cindy "Rachel" Feldman. Or Cindy Feldman. Or Rachel Feldman.
Only one other ad seeking puppies in the heart of Ohio Amish puppymilling. Joseph the familiar local puppy buyer has been doing business for ten years, and he pays top dollar, as usual!
Joseph's phone number is (330) 465-1140 and he will see us soon!
Yes, yes Joseph will see us soon
Uh oh Paul "Joseph" Feldman.**
You forgot the first rule of laundering puppymill widgets.
Keep your "rescue" profit center separate from your wholesale profit center!
Folks, this is why you google any rescue from which you are considering acquiring a pet, and absolutely any charity that wants your money. Don't just google the name of the organization -- google the names of all the principles, and all phone numbers.
* Carol Gravestock once quipped "When a dog breeder starts talking about Jesus, I start looking for the rabbit hutch full of starving puppies."
This seems to be a statistically sound conclusion one can draw about "rescues" with explicit or quasi-religious marketing.
Invoke Judaeo-Christian language and imagery, Imma gonna start looking for the sorting shed where the pups get divvied into pet store sales and sucker "adoptions."
** Further up on the FAQ page, the lovely Feldmans explain that they rescue puppies -- and only puppies, never grown dogs -- because ehrmagerd bait dogs doncha know!
How can you not pay up?! Bait dog! Bait dog I tell you! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
Also "We do not support or agree with the puppy mills, we just want to prevent the puppies from ending up back in the breeding cycle."