"We have to see The Lorax."
"I'm reviewing it for Allegheny Front. You can contribute whatever snark you've got on it, and I'll incorporate it."
Whoring an icon of the 1970's environmental movement to hawk consumer crap to children.
Alas, it would not. Lured with a dinner at House of Chen, I soon regretted taking the bait.
Putting aside the nested storylines that put me to sleep twice (but I dozed off in 3-D!)
Nevermind the apparently obligatory "romance" and "family" plot elements that make carving runes in the back of my hand with a rusty engineer's compass seem like an engaging evening.
A child will sit through 90 minutes of chase scenes, Betty White and Taylor Swift, and strangely disturbing CGI crowd scenes that combine elements of a musical breakout number taking a wide stance with a Nuremberg rally, and have no idea what a Brown Bar-ba-loot or a Swomee-Swan might be.
Because what did that old fool know about words and kids, anyway?