Thursday, February 24, 2011

Rural Gods I: The Budget Gremlin



This majikal being lurks in rural mailboxes and snuggles in the staples that hold together savings passbooks.


It seeks balance when it detects the arrival of a check, or threshhold exceeded in the bank-balance, that signals a hubristic human intent to undertake an improvement project, such as, say, installing the bloody perimeter fence or buying a new tractor.



The BG then works its majikal way with water and motors. Wash out the driveway, punch holes in the barn roof, erode the seals on the car that needed to last just two more years, burst the pipes. Or a Budget Gremlin water-motor twofer specialty, kill the well pump.



Soon the offending check or excessive bank balance has evaporated, and normalcy is restored without any offensive infrastructure changes. The Budget Gremlin returns to lurking. He is always with you.



Being the first in a series of revelations concerning the powerful deities who govern rural life. Iconography by the inimitable Kelly Bahmer-Brouse.

13 comments:

  1. It's amazing. I didn't realize it was little mailbox gods. $20,000 of inherited money gone in just over a month and I still don't have the roof it was supposed to pay for. I don't know how it happened - except for the $2700 bloat surgery for the bloodhound - that I remember!

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  2. I'm assuming the vehicle shown is the former PC sled and not the new one. (He did end up getting a new car, yes?)

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  3. He has. And Fiona, same make, same model, ten years younger, is an infinitely superior vehicle than the late Buttercup. Truth, a really sweet ride.

    However, she comes with a monthly payment. Overall, I prefer Buttercup.

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  4. Bealsie, vet bills fall under the category of "water."

    I neglected to include a photograph of Sophia, who cannot feel loved unless she rides lights 'n' sirens to the emergency vet direct from SAR training at least once a year.

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  5. This looks and behaves suspiciously like Murphy - ever the bane of ends meeting. Feeds most voraciously when the "Murphy Fund" is not kept to his standard of care.

    eli

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  6. I don't expect anyone here to get this, but every time I see "Buttercup" I think of Jody Reed, and the worst trade in Los Angeles Dodgers history.

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  7. Sssshhhh, don't mention anything about the well, e.g. pumping of or silting up of.

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  8. Oh yes, we have this in Canada, too.

    In fact, Sean just on Monday cheerfully said to me, "Hey, I've got a little bit of a tax refund! Let's go out to dinner this weekend", only to have, all at once, both cars need oil changes, new headlights (yes, one each car, same day), a hole in one muffler, a rear view mirror that fell off the other.

    End of today's car part shopping and repair bills? About six dollars left over.

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  9. NAFTA enables the free passage of Gremlins across borders.

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  10. Yep, just claimed some "unclaimed property" from the state in the form of a long forgotten stock dividend check. The check came two days ago. I arrived at my place of business yesterday morning to find a crack running from top to bottom on one of our plate glass windows. Cost of replacement is just a little more than the amount of the windfall check.

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  11. At our house, this gremlin is called The Money Finder. Last time we received a tax refund, we immediately had to have the services of Roto Rooter. When that was all clear, there was still some money left. Next day, we had to call again, and the charge was the exact amount of the remainder.

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