Wednesday, March 31, 2010

If you prick him, does he not bleed?

Our own Perfesser Chaos has a new gig as a commentator for The Allegheny Front, a great local environmental show on the Best Radio Station Ever.

Here's his first installment.

I told him he should have mentioned to the web people Rosie's registered name: Brandywine Briar Rose.

It's true that he seems to have Special Powers over the thorned flora.

I'm racing the spring trying to get rusty old fence out of a particularly troublesome run through the woods; I'm tired of stapling up dogs. If I don't get it out before the shrubs leaf out, we're hosed.

He hasn't been out to work on this little project. "Oh, I gotta record my commentary. No chores today."

Wonder how those Special Powers would hold up against 80-year-old barbed wire?


  1. Wind a chair around and through the fence and tractor it out with the posts and briars.

    Donald McCaig

  2. Excellent commentary.

    We have an idiom in West Virginia:

    "Singing greenbrier."

    It means to cry very hard.

    I suppose to comes from when someone get nicked by a hidden greenbrier.

    But it's now used for whenever people sob.

  3. Oh Donald, were that it was so easy.

    The fence was nailed from tree to tree. Some of the trees are now quite large, and the fence goes right through them, buried about 1/4 to 1/3 in.

    Much of it is partially buried in the ground.

    There are multiple generations of smooth wire, barbed wire, and woven wire commingled.

    And all if it is so rusty that it often breaks spontaneously with a hard pull, plus is already broken many times along its length. So I have to go along carefully finding the end where it broke, and continue tracing it to the next tree.

    This is why it's such a trap -- it's impossible to see it in the gloom, and humans trip, dogs get ripped on it. It has got to go before livestock have access to that area.

    I feckin' hate the hillbillies who just let things go. Same ones who kept throwing broken glass and metal and crap into the creek for decades after there was trash pickup here.

  4. That's definitely not cool. I hate when other people leave their respective shite for others to clean up. Wire is not yet biodegradable as far as I know.

    The next project on our land is to remove the massive brambles, the dangerous young honey locusts, and other thorned and probably non-native trees. No tentanus danger, but I expect to lose some blood during the process--and yes, gloves, I know...

    If it's any consolation, instead of feckin' hillbillies who dump trash, us city folk have feckin' idiots who don't pick up after their dog(s). Each walk, I end up using my extra poo bags picking up what I would otherwise inevitably step in and did NOT come from my dog's butt. I should be used to the stupid by now, but I've not seen it this bad before.

  5. Gloves, schmoves. Make sure you are wearing EYE PROTECTION.

    The gloves you'll remember; the eyebone covers you forget until something pokes one out.

    I once had a corneal abrasion (from multiflora rose) that went chronic and caused me pain for years, intermittently severely. Had to have micropuncture surgery to fix it.

    I recommend this to no one.

    Well, one or two people.

  6. Here in Sweden we also have "brambles"; roses,numerous berries and so forth. I found an excellent pant that is iron hard, but flexible. Red Ant Pants. They are for women and worth the money (a small Montana industry).

  7. Although you must get enough sound wire/posts in your wrap to pull, the tractor method will gather more wire/trash than you imagine and make it much easier to find the remainder. Problem is: you'll end up with a spring roll of old metal, posts (some metal) and vegetative trash. Hard to move, hard to dispose of and ugly as sin. We take ours to a deep pit a previous flood gouged out. W/o said pit, I'd rent a bulldozer for the day.


  8. Eye protection, check! Thanks for the "heads-up," so to speak.

    I used to work for some highly-respected ophthalmologists. Saw some things there that I too would never wish upon anyone with whom I had friendly acquaintances.

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