Thursday, May 14, 2009

Spoke too soon


They are not goats.

They are pretty, pretty princesses who have fallen under the spell of an evil enchantress, and cursed to caprine form.

Things I learned today about goats fairy princesses:

They are made of delicate spun sugar, and will surely melt if touched by vulgar raindrops.

Their tender hoovesies silken slippers are defiled if they touch dirt, shavings, straw, or a thick bedding of fresh wood chips. Fortunately, all fairy princesses are well-schooled in the ballet, so dancing along on the edges of landscape timbers, tops of doghouses, etc. is no problem.

Similarly, princesses can feel a dead mouse the cat buried single pea under a ten inch layer of soft clean shavings, so it is much more satisfactory to sleep in a miserable curled ball on the bare concrete in front of the stall door.

One does not touch a princess without permission. Permission is not forthcoming. One also does not turn one's back on a princess and walk away without being given leave. The princess will bleat most plaintively and stamp her foot if one is so indecorous to attempt this.

Things goats princesses do not eat:

Ground ivy
Anything growing close to the nasty dirty ground
Anything that has fallen, been dropped, or pulled down onto the nasty dirty ground
Anything that has been stomped with delicate hoovesies ballet slippers
Wholesome fresh goat feed coated in molasses

Things goats princesses do eat:

Fresh wood chips
Sawdust, as long as it is adhering to the side of the stall and not on the nasty dirty ground
Hay that I thought was only suitable as bedding hay, but what do I know
Mineral block
Russian olive (maybe)
Raspberry bramble
Multiflora rose

Given these last two items, I can tolerate everything else about them.

Could they come along on SAR tasks, munching a swath ahead of us?


  1. You made me LOL after having a very bad day. Thanks :)

    I'm sure most of us could write similar prose about the first day (week?) of having a new dog in the house:

    "Eat THAT nasty stuff, in a BOWL, on the FLOOR?! But I was always fed prime rib with au jus from a crystal platter while sitting at the head of the table in the highest chair!"

  2. This should help you find suitable fairy princess names:

    When you rejected the small wether, I figured you were looking for a SAR pack goat!

    Dorene (stupid Google is giving me fits)

  3. You absolutely must photograph them in My Pretty Pony getups - sparklies woven through their braided hair, pastel accessories, etc. Use Photoshop if you have to.

  4. You will discover that you never *really* understood the meaning of 'frolic' until the arrival of goats.


  5. "You absolutely must photograph them in My Pretty Pony getups - sparklies woven through their braided hair, pastel accessories, etc. Use Photoshop if you have to."

    ROFLMAO! Read this an hour ago and am STILL laughing.

    More great prose, Heather. Your skill with the strikethrough feature is sublime.

    The Pooch Professor

  6. I agree... quite similar to bringing home a new dog, although I'm quite sure it's not nearly as funny in one's head while picturing a dog as it was while picturing a goat - um... princess.

    My brother in law has a pair of goats on his farm, and swears the only reason he continues to put up with them is that they eat the salt off his truck in the winter. And no, there is NO stopping them. Although in the summer they've been known to gnaw on the truck here and there.. and the barn.. and the house.. and the dogs..

  7. From 1987-1990 there were three Nubian wethers in the pasture on the north side of the house.

    1. There is no enclosure that can actually contain the fairy princesses. The princesses have to want to be contained.

    2. When you are standing in the kitchen at dawn in your underwear and can feel someone looking at you through the window its because she (they) are looking at you through the kitchen window. Don't ask how they got there, or if they're 'tall enough' to look through kitchen windows.

    3. Have they been standing on top of the car yet? They will, and sooner than you think. Ultimately, it's just easier to mumble to the guy at the body shop: hail damage.

  8. Shirley, as doG is my witness, you shall see a goat wearing a tiara.Not today, not tomorrow, probably not soon, but someday.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.


I've enabled the comments for all users; if you are posting as "anonymous" you MUST sign your comment. Anonymous unsigned comments will be deleted. Trolls, spammers, and litigants will be shot.